Winnar!

I hereby declare the ASU squad the winners by virtue of upping the ante with wicked, wicked hand gestures.

Suddenly, a challeger appears...

What a Coincidence

Earlier this week, Weevil suggested that I should name some potential future free-energy discovery I make after him. Today I found out about Orbo. By Irish company Stoern. My first thought was something along the lines of: "Sweet. A prepetual motion device powered by natural magnetism. I made one of those in junior high, only I used a 9-volt battery to power electromagnets."

Then I found this article, and watched this video. It seems Orbo is just like my middle-school science project. They claim the energy output is three times the energy used by the battery. Some of that energy is used to recharge the battery to keep the device going.

Since I am neither an engineer or physicist, there are a couple of questions I have:

1. Why does it need an external power source? If it generates so much energy, one could theoretically start it manually, and use the recharging energy to maintain the motion.

2. I thought this would violate the first law of thermodynamics. Upon further consideration, I am not so sure. It is likely not a closed system. If their claim is true, the device could simply convert the magnetic energy, ambient heat, etc. into electrical energy. Still, I doubt there exists sufficient potential energy in the system for the conversion.

Would anyone care to chime in with further information or explanation?

Retail Flashbacks

I used to work at GameStop. At times, I even enjoyed it. The people I worked with tended toward funny, engaging, and generally pleasant to be around. There were a couple of tools, but by and large, my co workers were what made the job fun. I did not even mind working Black Friday. The day went by so quickly, I did not have time to complain.

From time to time, I seemed to encounter a customer like this:



Said customer would invariably return and blame me for not talking him down from the ledge of their terrible purchase.

There really seems to be a Penny-Arcade for all occasions. The full context of this panel can be found here. If you haven't read PA, do yourself a humorous favor and take some time and poke through the archives.

'tis the Season

NFL cheerleaders have a special place in the hearts and minds of most football fans. Many will pretend that they don't understand why such women dance around the sidelines, but will still stop and watch when they are shown. During the Christmas season, the cheerleaders seem to do it up right (with the possible exception of the Carolina Panthers). Intellectually, I am not sure what the appeal of the Mrs. Claus-esque suit is, but the id simply doesn't care.

I think the cheerleaders for the Brettesota Favres are my favorite Christmas cheerleaders, but I am ready to take arguments. Please note, if you would like to make an argument, provide or link or picture for proper consideration. There are rules and protocols to follow, here.

Anyhow, Merry Christmas:

I Want to Believe

There is probably a mundane explanation for this, but apparently strange lights, unrelated to the Aurora Borealis, have been appearing in Norway.

Popular Science reports, and proffers some speculation, but no solid conclusion.

Fair and Balanced, but Not So Good at Math

First, let me say that I am not a fan of FOX News. I realize that bias and partisanship have become a mainstay of cable news, but FOX seems to revel in taking opinion and conjecture and presenting it as news. I am sure MSNBC, CNN and other news outlets do this as well, but FOX seems to revel in it.

This screencapture, however, is fantastic.

source: Media Matters.

For those who are either unwilling or unable to do the math, FOX is reporting that 120% of people polled have an opinion on global warming research.

Everything Is Bigger in Texas

Even legislation blunders.

From gawker.com with excerpts below.
-------------------
...A 22-word clause in a 2005 [Texas] constitutional amendment designed to ban gay marriages erroneously endangers the legal status of all marriages in the state.

The amendment, approved by the Legislature and overwhelmingly ratified by voters, declares that "marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman." But the troublemaking phrase, as Radnofsky sees it, is Subsection B, which declares:

"This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage."

Architects of the amendment included the clause to ban same-sex civil unions and domestic partnerships. But Radnofsky, who was a member of the powerhouse Vinson & Elkins law firm in Houston for 27 years until retiring in 2006, says the wording of Subsection B effectively "eliminates marriage in Texas," including common-law marriages.

...

"The Texas Constitution and the marriage statute are entirely constitutional," Strickland said without commenting further on Radnofsky’s statements. "We will continue to defend both in court."

A conservative leader whose organization helped draft the amendment dismissed Radnofsky’s position, saying it was similar to scare tactics opponents unsuccessfully used against the proposal in 2005.

"It’s a silly argument," said Kelly Shackelford, president of the Liberty Legal Institute in Plano. Any lawsuit based on the wording of Subsection B, he said, would have "about one chance in a trillion" of being successful.

Shackelford said the clause was designed to be broad enough to prevent the creation of domestic partnerships, civil unions or other arrangements that would give same-sex couples many of the benefits of marriage.
-------------------

My thoughts? Texas' attempt at institutionalized bigotry and discrimination may have technically backfired, but lawmakers are saying "we didn't mean to say 'fuck you' to everybody, just 5-10% of the population. Rather than go off what we said, we should all just accept this how we meant."

If someone can give me a real argument against same-sex marriages, civil unions, domestic partnerships, or whatever you want to call it, I will listen. I make no promises to agree. In fact, I will likely disagree strongly. I feel the notion that it will "threaten the sanctity of traditional marriage" is a pile of shit. One instance of marriage should not be impacted in the slightest by any other marriage.

What I Ment to Say

This article was linked to me earlier today. The article itself is a bit longer than I would like to post here, but a few paragraphs are sufficient. The bold-type is added by me, to point out how stupid, xenophobic, and simply racist some of the supporters of these initiatives can be. Some supporters may have valid, well thought reasons for not wanting minarets in Switzerland (maintain a sort of architectural national identity in some areas, etc.), but these ridiculous slippery-slope arguments become a focus and rallying cry for supporters.
---------------------

A proposal championed by right-wing parties to ban minarets in Switzerland goes to a nationwide vote on Sunday in a referendum that has set off an emotional debate about national identity and stirred fears of boycotts and violent reactions from Muslim countries.

The nationalist Swiss People's Party has led several campaigns against foreigners, including a proposal to kick out entire families of foreigners if one of their children breaks a law and a bid to subject citizenship applications to a popular vote.

The party's controversial posters have shown three white sheep kicking out a black sheep and a swarm of brown hands grabbing Swiss passports from a box.

The current campaign posters showing missile-like minarets atop the national flag and a fully veiled woman have drawn anger of local officials and rights defenders.

People's Party lawmaker Walter Wobmann said minarets are part of Muslims' strategy to make Switzerland Islamic. He said he feared Shariah law, which would create "parallel societies" where honor killings, forced marriages and even stoning are practiced.

The government has urged voters to reject the initiative, saying it would violate religious freedom. Foreign Minister Micheline Calmy-Rey has warned it would lead to a security risk for Switzerland; other members of the multiparty government have spoken out against the proposal.

Less than 13 percent of the Muslims living in the Alpine nation are practicing and most are well integrated, said Justice Minister Eveline Widmer-Schlumpf. She said initiative would "endanger religious peace in our country."

A survey by the respected polling institute gfs.bern last week indicated that 53 percent of voters reject the initiative, although support has grown by 3 percentage points to 37 percent since last month. Typically in Switzerland the margins on such votes narrows as balloting nears. Ten percent of the 1,213 people polled were undecided. The survey had an error margin of 2.9 percent.

"The problem is not so much the minarets, but rather what they represent," said Madeleine Trincat, a retiree from Geneva. "After the minarets, the muezzins will come, then they'll ask us to wear veils and so on."

Oops.

Apparently I can just make random empty posts, and Blogger eagerly complies. Now I have empty templates to fill.

edit: Ah, now I remember how to delete posts. Something I had not felt compelled to do until now. Three empty posts deleted, with this one remaining to... I don't know, humble me?

"You keep using that word..."

"... I do not think it means what you think it means."

That line, from The Princess Bride, pops into my head far more often than I would like. I frequently hear people misuse words with such conviction and certainty, it almost seems a shame to have to correct them.

Friday I was studying in an otherwise empty classroom while I waited for one of my math classes to start. I heard someone out in the hallway complaining about the selection of snacks available in the nearby vending machine.

"Can you believe the audacity," I hear her begin. "Why would they put the trail mix behind the M&M's? We have to get through the sugary crap before we get to the good stuff."

Let us disregard, for the moment, that the good stuff in question is about as close to nutritionally empty as the sugary crap. Instead, let us focus on the use of the word audacity. As I understand it, audacity has a malicious, deliberate connotation to it. Dictionary.com seems to support me on this. What this gal was so worked up over could be described as a general disregard, or even carelessness. The idea that the snack-guy was audacious in his actions is just plain wrong.

I will readily admit to having misused words, myself. Often, this is due to having never understood the true meaning of the words. If I am uncertain of the proper usage of a word, I will either not use it, or ask for clarification.

There are a number of specific misuses that irk me:

- The singular form of "matrices" is "matrix." "Matrice" is not a word. as a math major, this makes me cringe.

- No matter how much you want it to be, "irregardless" is not an actual word. The fact that word processors do not catch it just means the programmers have given up trying to correct you.

- Just because a game has a multiplayer component does not make it an MMO. The key component here is the first M, for "massively." You and three friends do not qualify as massive, even if I am one of those friends. Halo, Diablo, Starcraft, and Team Fortress are not MMO's

There's more out there, but I must join my nephew in a spirited game of cow-throwing.

[ongoing edit: if I am going to bitch about language and grammar, I should double-check my own language and grammar in posting.]

One Month Later

Fall quarter at Eastern Washington University is a month in, and I have noticed a few things.

- People seem to take academia much more seriously than at SFCC. This may be due to the fact that I am in a degree program, now, rather than simply accumulating credits. 200- and 300-level classes require a bit more attention than "Introduction to Basic Economics."

- I have been told that the student ratio is 2:1 in favor of women to men. I have not seen this. Again, it may be my degree program. Being a math major, the population is heavily skewed the other direction. I feel deceived.

However, among the women I have met:

- I have noticed a disproportionate number of cute redheads. It seems that every other woman I see on campus falls into the "cute redhead" category.

- Add to that the propensity for so many of these women to be very close to executing the "naughty librarian" look with incredible expertise, and I am simply at a loss.

The last two make me realize I need a plan. I need to formulate a plan, work the plan to perfection, (there are probably several steps I'm missing, here), reap the rewards.

If I Had a Million Dollars

I wish I could think of something responsible to do with a million dollars. Unfortunately, I must be honest with myself. I would probably do something like this.

A Boy and His Dog

My nephew's 9th birthday is this weekend. Saturday, I made the perilous trek to Idaho to bestow upon him a variety of tiny Danish plastic pieces. No amount of toys, however, could top what his mother got for him today.

And so, ladies and gentlemen (and Weevil), please meet Tank, a temporarily tiny yellow lab.



Tank currently seems intent on finding out what, exactly, is hidden beneath his water dish, and will try to dig through the bowl, spilling and splashing the water all over. His best friend at the moment, aside from his new boy, is a squeeky hedgehog toy picked up as an afterthought while buying the puppy food.

Appreciate the Situation

I would hope that many of the people I know read this can understand my desire for a camera this morning.

I begin fall quarter out at EWU on Wednesday. The folks at the SFCC fitness center have said it would be quite alright for me to work out with them today and Tuesday, even though classes have already started at SFCC. Kind of them.

With the beginning of SFCC's quarter comes the arrival of the exchange students from Japan, a few of whom decide to show up for morning workouts.

Today, a trio of tiny Japanese girls (I could probably carry two or three of them at a time around with me without breaking a sweat) showed up for a nice workout on the treadmills and stationary bikes, followed by some of the most... interesting yoga stretches I have seen. I have come to understand these are called "bridge" poses and "dog" poses and other such things that do not matter. At least not nearly as much as the distracting effect on the lucky fella who happened to be in their midst as they stretched.

I will miss SFCC because of moments such as these.

Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics

Benjamin Disreali and Mark Twain are both credited with describing the three types of information. Similarly, Winston Churchill warned people not to "trust any statistics you did not fake yourself." I wonder where polling would fall into this. With polling, the way a question is presented can impact the responses.

I saw a poll on one of the news channels asking if racism was responsible for criticism and resistance to the President's policy efforts. The poll was in response to Jimmy Carter suggestion that racism is a factor, though perhaps not a driving motivator. The impression I got from the exceprts of Carter's message was that the racism he was discussing was more of an unconscious response that explicit action and attitude.

Anyhow, back on topic. The poll went down predictably. I believe something along the lines of 65% said "no," about 20% said "yes," and a perpetually confused 15% replied with the wonderful "not sure."

This might be one of the most useless poll questions ever devised. People whose resistance is racially motivated may not be aware of it. More people who are aware of racist feelings may not be willing to admit them. Those who want to find racism in any sort of opposition tend to find it wherever they decide to look. Then, of course, there are people who oppose the policy decisions because they genuinely believe these decisions are not the best choice.

Of course, these poll results were supeficially discussed for a good 15-20 minutes before moving on to something equally useless. Since I was at the gym, on the treadmill, my options were either to watch this news report, or stare at the timer, watching my distance tick slowly up toward my goal.

Perhaps I should have stared at my odometer.

Youthful Indiscretion?

Apparently someone in my neighborhood thought it would be funny to padlock my front gate.



I think my new bolt cutters and I are funnier.



How about you?

Distressing Parallel

In about three weeks I begin the second half of my undergraduate education at Eastern Washington University.

I still have a bit of preparation to get out of the way, but I noticed a disturbing trend. It seems that every application form I've filled out has:
a) been approved
b) had a confirmation letter sent to me informing me of the approval
c) had a follow-up letter sent to me asking if I still intended to follow through.

This afternoon, I have to drive out and submit a form essentially saying "yes, I want to receive the financial aid I applied for, was approved for, and have been awarded." I have to drive there because they did not provide an address or contact person for this form.

I am concerned that my university of choice is so insecure. I had girlfriends back when I was in junior high school who were more confident than this institution seems to be.

Opening Night

As one might infer from the blindingly obvious post title, tonight is the first night of the play my nephew wrangled me into.

It has been more than 15 years since I was in a play, or in front of any sort of audience for that matter, yet I do not feel any sort of nervous energy or jitters. Maybe I am simply too tired from my workout this morning to muster such energy.

The only thing going through my mind, other than my lines, is a strong desire to reenact this snippet from "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back"

Um, Hi?

It has been a while since I posted. I feel I should say something, but cannot think of anything of any significance to comment on.

Things have not been remarkable for the past few weeks. Nothing worth sharing has happened. Hell, I've been living through what has been going on in my life and I am sometimes left trying to remember just what the hell happened all day.

I do not have any classes to go to. I do not have any tutoring to do this quarter, and it is more than a month until classes start out at Eastern.

Yet I have been volunteered to help out with a school/church play that my nephew has been rehearsing for. This is eating up my evenings, but has the benefit of being at least somewhat enjoyable.

So. In short, I am still here. Just... meh.

Halfway Home

Today I finished my requisite time at SFCC. I have finished all of my credits, and now have a completed AA degree, ready for transfer.

People around me seem much more excited about this than I am. I do not see this as much of an accomplishment, more like a checkpoint. Perhaps something like a save point in the old Nintendo adventure and RPG titles. If something happens to derail my education plans again, at least I have made it this far.

I am not sure what doors open for an AA degree that do not with a high school diploma, but I do not intend to simply stand around and find out. As the title suggests, I am only halfway to my goals. Likely far short of halfway.

I know that in order to earn the esteemed title of Dr. Love, there is more than two years worth of work ahead of me. I must continue onward.

Historic Milestones

I had previously posted about NASA re-releasing archival footage recovered from the command center during the Apollo 11 mission.

As the historically savvy among us are aware, we are in the midst of the 40th anniversary of that mission. shortly after 9:32, on July 16th, 1969, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and the oft-forgotten Michael Collins were launched into space. Three-and-a-half days later, they touched down on the lunar surface.

Among those who saw the landing, it still ranks as on of those touchstone, "where were you, when" moments. Unfortunately, it was seven years before I was born. And the final lunar lander, Apollo 17, returned to Earth four years before my time.

The Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo missions no doubt fascinated millions of viewers, several of whom were able to use it as inspiration. Amateur scientists, backyard engineers, novice and veteran writers turned their attention to what could be next. Before long, we'd doubtless be living on the moon, exploring the other planets of our solar system, perhaps even visiting other stars.

Unfortunately, what came next was thirty five years of essentially playing it safe. The space program progressed from the putting the first American in space (Alan Shepherd in 1961) to Apollo 11 in less than ten years. In the thirty seven years since Apollo 17, NASA has sent countless shuttles into Earth's orbit (two of which unfortunately did not return), helped communications companies place thousands of satellites out there, launched a handful of unmanned probes, landers, and rovers to see what's out there, given us the Hubble telescope, and the International Space Station. All of these are impressive, but where is the drive? Where is the spirit of exploration?

Less than ten years after Charles Lindbergh made his transatlantic flight, zeppelins and airplanes began ferrying passengers back and forth "across the pond." Now, forty years after Neil Armstrong, we wonder if we will ever go to the moon again.

If any of you have information on actual, current projects for lunar missions, manned exploration, or anything like that, I would like to know about it.

Best of Intentions?

Perhaps it is genetic. No, senility does not run in my family.

Perhaps I am just too busy. No, summer quarter has been, by design, pretty light.

I do not know. I just have this nagging feeling that there is something I need to do; something I have promised will be done quickly and well. Perhaps I need to prepare for something for someone else.

Whatever it is, I cannot put my finger on it. It is not exactly "just out of reach," I am not sure it is even there. It may just be a trick of the light, a phenomenon of moon light refracting through swamp gas, weather balloons, bigfoot.

I cannot really get a grasp on it.

Zombie Haikus (probably NSFW, in parts)

Topless Robot ran a user submitted Zombie Haiku contest. I though the boom should know... and all of his readers. I did NOT read them, so there may be things one would normally not find on ZombieBoomStick. You've been warned; click in an informed manner.

History Goes High(er) Def

Evidently NASA is expected to release newly found footage of the Apollo 11 moon landing. This footage is supposed to be clearer and higher quality than the newsreel footage that has been shown for the past forty years. The footage we all have seen is apparently from a 16mm camera pointed at NASA's main screen, recording the images sent from the moon (government funded video piracy? bootlegging? I'll bet the guy with the camera even snuck in his own snacks, not bothering to pay at the concession stand). This "new" footage is apparently from the original signal, which was thought to be lost.

Neat.

A Little Something for Weevil

As I popped online to waste a few minutes, I spotted a link on comcast's home page claiming to have pictures of the "lovely ladies of golf." I was confused. Was there such a thing? With perhaps two or three exceptions, the impression I get from women golfers is that they are about as feminine in appearance as Brett Favre.

Apparently I was quite mistaken.

Another Quarter Down

Thursday I took the last of my finals for spring quarter. I know I did well enough in Sociology and Economics. Those two classes were such that I could (and often did) sleep through them and still get decent grades. Japanese ended on a fun note. I'm not sure what my grade will be, but I would guess high 3.0.

Then comes calculus. I was sitting at about 3.5 going into the final. I took about three-and-a-half hours to complete the four-hour final. I am really not sure how I did. Some questions seemed entirely too easy, as though I had misread them. Then there was a group of three questions that combined to take me about an ninety mintues to complete.

If I maintained my 3.5 I will be happy. But, to take Tom Petty out of context, the waiting is the hardest part.

Uh, this is where I post things "zombie"

There's a thirty second commercial, then the fun starts.

Cuz I know a ZombieBearStick who loves baseball... and analogies

In bearsball, if you strike out, you get mauled. If you hit a pop fly or a grounder, you get mauled. If you hit a home run, you get mauled. If you steal a base you get mauled twice.

Stress Relief

I was looking over my grades tonight, guaging what I needed to do in order to acheive 4.0 (or see what my highest possible grade could be) in my various classes. Apparently I have done so much extra work in my sociology class, I could score a zero on the final and still get a 4.0.

I doubt I'll be allowed to skip the test, however. Too bad.

Nothing to See Here

Move along. These are not the droids you are looking for.

I have nothing of substance to say. I am simply posting for the sake of posting.

Sceince of Baseball

Being a huge baseball fan, I think things like this are very cool.

Close, but Not Quite

I almost got fired this week.

Throughout this school year, I've been working as a tutor. Fall quarter, I was a biology tutor. Winter, it was math. This quarter, my time is being split between chemistry and math.

Many of the students I tutor in math prefer my methods to those of other tutors. No, Weevil, I haven't plied those methods yet. Anyhow, they tend to seek me out for help. This is fine with me, since I typically have very little to do when I'm on the clock for chemistry.

My supervisors are not so pleased with this. They want me to send theses students away from the "math-science study room," located in the "mathematics, physical science, computer science" building, toward the "business and social science" building across campus.

My response was something less than acquiescence. I informed them that I was not about to turn someone away if I have the knowledge and skills to help, and that I would likely continue to do so. If they had a problem with that, perhaps a different tutor would be better suited to their requirements.

Today, I received an entertaining email essentially backtracking on their failed attempt at coercion. They had no intention of suggesting I should refuse to help these students, blah blah, blah.

I guess they didn't expect any of their workstudy employees to have backbone. Well, I can be a noisy bastard when I want to be.

WWJD...

... For a Klondike bar?

Best Zombie Video

I figured since this is Zombie related, it belongs here.

Feel free to embed it in a post of your own, Boom.

Fear-Inducing Phrases

Three posts in one day. I have a bit on my mind, apparently.

I got a call from a friend this afternoon. He wants to start up a D&D group for some friends in Post Falls. Since he's the guy who owns the books, he wants to be the dungeon master. Since I have done the whole D&D thing before (big shock, I know.), he wanted to know what to expect.

I gave him some typical advice:

- As much as you want to, DO NOT kill a player's character. At least not permanently. Let them find ways to get themselves killed.

- No one wants to play a rogue. Use that. Have traps, secret doors, false walls, but don't make them requirements to pass through.

- Even though the game is called Dungeons and Dragons, dragon encounters should be a big deal. It should be an encounter the players do not expect to win.

He asked me if there's any signs of trouble for which he should be wary. I told him the are three words a dungeon master never wants to hear his players say.

"Let's split up."

One for Every Occasion

Looking through the video archives at The Onion, there appears to be a video for every circumstance. Or, at least an analog sufficiently close to the situation of note.

This Speaks for Itself.

The names have been changed (only slightly) to protect the socially inept.


Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman

As Much as He Could

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Apparently Cornell University has the answer.

About 700 pounds. Unfortunately, there is no unit of time associated with this quantity, so the answer is incomplete.

What Friends Are For

Weevil, sir. I thank you for your most recent email.

Woot!

I managed to put myself into an unusually good mood this morning.

Before I explain, allow me to provide some background.

About a year-and-a-half ago, I managed to put myself in the hospital with a very uncomfortable infection in my leg. When I was admitted, they did all the usual testing of vital signs. when they weighed me, things were a bit... embarrassing. I was too heavy to weigh on their normal scales. They had to put me on an equipment scale. First, I did not know hospitals had equipment scales. Second, how heavy does one have to be in order to be reclassified from "patient" to "equpiment?" My weight came in at 375 pounds. ouch.

Well, a year later, I finally get around to enrolling in a fitness class on campus. I have been spending close to an hour a day, Monday through Friday, in the gym.

Now that the background is out of the way, here is the big news:

This morning, for the first time since my hospital visit, I weighed myself.

322 pounds.

I cannot imagine that I lost much weight between my hospital visit and beginning my workouts. My activities would not exactly be classified as "active." So, i have lost about fifty pounds since I started the workouts around the first of the year.

My goal for the end of the quarter is to be below 300.

As the post title says: "Woot!"

Lies Society Has Taught Me

Whoever coined the phrase "like riding a bike," to mean something that was easy, and one never forgets, was either a liar or an idiot.

I recently picked up a bicycle, and wanted to try it as an alternative transportation method to-and-from school, and help out with the time I've spent going to the gym.

Sunday, I decided to make my first bicycle trip to campus. I had a calculus test in the afternoon, and thought it would be a good opportunity to get used to things.

I got about ten feet before I fell over in an uncomfortably twisted pile on my neighbor's lawn.

How to Become the Badguy

It is just the third week of spring quarter, and I have firmly entrenched myself as the bastard in my economics class.

Today we got into a discussion about possible ways to "fix" social security. The usual suggestions were mentioned throughout the class. "We can increases social security tax," "we can raise the retirement age," and other such suggestions. There was on that no one seemed willing to say, even though it seemed obvious to me.

"We could restrict eligibility of benefits and decrease the payout," I offered.

*silence*

At that moment, I became the bastard. The cold heartless sonofabitch who did not want to subsidize everyone's grandparent's retirement.

I'm just an economics 101 student. I don't pretend to know how to actually fix social security, nor do I have the authority to make, or even suggest such changes. It was just an idea.

When One Stops Counting

It was not long ago that birthdays were a big deal. Every one seemed to have significance, if for no other reason that being one step closer to a milestone.

At 15, you can officially get you learner's permit, leading to a driver's license at 16.

17 was a bit of a nothing year, but there was so much surrounding it, its own significance was irrelevant. At 18, there was voting, being able to buy lottery tickets, porn, and cigarettes; high school graduation was in there, too. 19 and 20 were not very interesting, but marked a transition out of the teenage years.

21 is big for obvious reasons.

What is there after that? Renting a car at 25? The transition from 20's to 30's?

I bring this up because I was asked my age today, and could not immediately respond. I had to do the math.

1976... 2009... haven't had my birthday yet this year... or have I? Nope, not yet... 2009-1976 = 33, no birthday yet... - 1... I'm 32... I think.

This now becomes one of those moments when I realize just how old I am.

Wherein I Talk About Baseball

As much as I enjoy football (both college and pro), I tend to identify my fandom in terms of baseball.

The baseball season is only a week old--about 4% of the way through--and I am a happy fan.

The Mariners are in first place. After seven games, that's roughly the equivalent of your football team having the lead ten minutes into the second half of the first game of the season. It means damn little right now, but for a team that was expected to do absolutely nothing, damn little is better than expected.

Tuesday is the M's home-opener, and the home-field return of Ken Griffey, Jr. The man was traded ten years ago, and I am sure his first at-bat will elicit an incredibly joyful response. I have my tivo set to record, since I will be in class, at the time, but I wish I could be there.

A friend of mine who works at local sports radio station asked if I would be interested in stopping by the studio on occasion to talk baseball. He said that I tend to know more about what's going on in baseball, Mariners in particular, than people who get paid to know such things.

Of course, I agreed. I have no idea how well I will perform in a public forum, however small said forum may be. Whenever this comes about, I will let people know.

Spring Quarter

Here is a quick list of things I either learned, or rememberered today, the first day of Spring Quarter

Economics is going to be slightly less interesting than watching paint dry.

Sociology might be a tiny bit more interesting, but I am not holding out a lot of hope.

Multi-variable calculus is going to be a challenge, but I am looking forward to it.

I only have ten weeks left before I am done with Japanese.

As close as I am to graduating, that goal seems very far away.

After spending an hour at the gym in the morning, I am a rather randy bastard in the afternoon. I would imagine there is a perfectly acceptable, entirely boring physiological reason for this. The immediate impact for me is... well, nothing. Even if there was someone ready and willing, I do not have the time to indulge.

On the plus side, not having time for a girlfriend also means I do not usually have the time to dwell on such things. Aside from quick instances of catharsis, such as this.

Better to Be Lucky than Good?

I will not pretend to understand it.

I have had incredible difficulty with chemistry this winter. Seems the more I thought I understood, the worse I performed on tests and assignments. Going into the final, I was struggling to maintain a 3.0. I needed to knock the final out of the park to be comfortable with my grade.

The final test was split into two parts. I was confident in my completion of the take-home part. I worked with four other students on it, and got some much-needed help from the director of the chemistry lab. As I took to the online portion in the computer lab, I felt sure about my answers and understanding. There were only two multiple-choice questions I felt I needed to guess on, and those had been reduced to a 50-50 shot. When I clicked on the "submit" button, I felt my score would likely be in the neighborhood of 90%. I would be OK with my quarter grade. Curious, I clicked on the "show score" button, and my heart sank.

"Score: 50/100."

Ouch. I do not remember the last time I outright failed a test. I've gotten some poor, barely passing scores on material I had not covered adequately, but seldom drop below 80%. And I do not think I have ever failed a class. I have had to drop a couple of classes for various reasons, but my grades were always passing. Usually with very high marks.

I was certain that I was going to have to change my major. One is unlikely to be accepted into a forensic chemistry program when one has not passed chemistry.

Last night, I checked my grades to see how bad the damage was.

Japanese: 3.6 -- Not bad. About what I expected.
Calculus: 4.0 -- I knew that going in. All I had to do was get a passing score on the final to secure that 4.0.
Chemistry: 3.4 -- Beg pardon? I was expecting a grade point of about half that.

I have no idea what happened. Nor am I going to question it too deeply. Perhaps there was an incredible curve, or she gave me someone else's score. I don't know. Nor do I care.

I passed, and do not yet have to reevaluate my academic plans.

Time Off for Good Behavior

Finally, after three months of continually busting my ass in school, coming up with tiny nuggets of time to put in appearances at family functions, and trying to keep my sanity, I have a break. The college calls it spring break, but the weather disagrees.

I just got back from a weekend in Seattle visiting my brother and his newborn son. My brother and I do not often get along, but this weekend seemed to work out.

Tuesday I get to go to Post Falls and make retail store fixtures explode under somewhat controlled conditions.

There may be blood.

Likely mine.

Four Down, Eight to Go

Holy fuck. This is too much.

Today I turned in four parts of various final projects. Friday I have three more due. Friday is supposed to be Dead Day. No class activity is supposed to be scheduled. Monday is the first official day of finals week, and I have three more projects to turn in. Another two are due any time before noon on Wednesday.

For those who haven't bothered to keep the count, that's twelve projects due in the span of six days.

Keep in mind that I only have three classes this quarter. Of the twelve projects, seven are for chemistry.

What the hell?

Depression-Era Job Security Tip

Murder Overachievers.


Careful, Boom. This may include schoolboys.

Economic Recovery

Allow me to set the stage.

It's late at night. You've got a bit of insomnia, and find yourself in front of the television, stubbornly searching for something to occupy your mind. Frustrated, you abandon your search. Every channel seems to be playing infomercials for the latest, greatest food dehydrator, or the newest video, Girls Gone Wild in Salt Lake City. After a moment, you hear the shouting of this man:

"Hi. Billy Mays here for Zombie Boomstick, the walking, talking, economic recovery package.

Have you come upon tough times financially? Get to know Zombie Boomstick. Simply making plans with Boom will turn your world around. Need cash? Making plans with Boom is almost as easy as printing money. For all you freelance workers out there, schedule some time with Boom, and your phone will start ringing off the hook. New clients. Old clients. Everyone will be calling you when you're expecting Zombie Boomstick.

Perfect for around the house, at picnics, in restaurants, any place you need some cash in your pocket. Simply call up Zombie Boomstick, and before you know it, money will practically be falling out of your pockets.

Business owners, ask for our corporate package. We'll arrange to have Zombie Boomstick sent to your headquarters. Once shipping details have been finalized, you'll see business pick up like you wouldn't believe.

Ladies, looking to land that special guy? Make a date with Zombie Boomstick, and you're almost guaranteed to meet someone else, right away.

For all your life-improving needs, ask for Zombie Boomstick. Boom can be yours for only 3 easy payments of "$whatever-you-think-is-fair.99 plus shipping and handling."

But wait, there's more. Call today, and we'll upgrade you to our deluxe package at no extra charge. With the deluxe package, if your short-term circumstances don't turn around dramatically, Boom will stick around for a while and be a generally pleasant person to know. He'll help you out with household chores, walk the dog, cook dinner, play with the kids. Anything you need."

Then that quick-talking disclaimer guy comes on and says, "Zombie Boomstick does not have much cash of his own, and will not print money. Money gained from exposure to Zombie Boomstick is believed to manifest spontaneously and magically from the land of sugarplum fairies."

Then the pitchman comes back on and implores you, "just look at these testimonials from satisfied customers left in the comments section of this blog:"

That's your cue to provide horribly unconvincing endorsements.

News Flash:

Boom is a sarcastic, misanthropic bastard. He has no paitience for idiots.

I know, this is earth-shattering information.

Those who know me well are likely saying to themselves "Boom, you quick-witted bastard, what has caused this sudden, unforeseen shift if your perception of the human condition? Your friends have always known you as a patient, altruistic person with nothing but love for the rest of the world. Your posting history has shown nothing but virtue and compassion."

Friday morning, I realized how much I truly enjoy almost getting into fights.

Usually I manage to talk my way into conflicts that could end up very damaging to my physical well-being. Fortunately, I have managed to diffuse the situation every time. Usually by confusing people to the point that I can walk away unnoticed. A man who resembles a cranky grizzly bear moving unnoticed is quite a feat, but somehow I manage. Frequently.

A large plus in my favor is my size and appearance. The comparison to a grizzly bear might be a bit of hyperbole, but not much. If people have a chance to realize that they are trying to stare down a person roughly the size of the Colossus of Rhodes, they tend to back down in short order.

My luck will change one day. When that happens, the end result will be something to behold.

It was educational. Really.

This past week on campus has been centered on something called "Intercultural Week." As you might infer from the name, a number of activities centered around tradition, ceremony, and history or various cultural groups represented at the college. My Japanese instructor is one the Intercultural Student Activities board, so she asked my class to attend during our regular class time. Below are my impressions:

History of Catholic German missionaries (yawn)

Traditional Japanese brewing techniques for sake (not bad. unfortunately they were prohibited from serving any sake)

A tai-chi demonstration (interesting)

Original folk music written and performed by a student band (every bit as boring as one might expect.)

Cajun fish fry (OK, now we're getting somewhere)

A preview of some sort of African rhythm performance (intriguing. Unfortunately the drummers were a bunch of middle-aged white guys.)

Now, as part of the rhythm performance, there was a belly dancing demonstration. When told of this, and seeing who was playing the drums, I was worried. To my surprise and relief, out stepped a few wonderfully scantily (I do not like the back-to-back adverbs there, but what the hell) clad19-20 year-old girls wiggling, writhing, and bending in ways that instilled within me the thought: I need a belly dancer of my own. Possibly even a matched set. I could show them off to friends.

I might not be so stressed out if such resources were available to me.

Appropos of Nothing

I have no personal context to provide for this video. I just found it incredibly amusing.

Imminent Overload

It seems likely that I may have a mental breakdown at any moment. And I blame my current and pending academic environs.

This quarter, for about another six weeks, I must endure the endless grind of calculus and chemistry, exacerbated by tutoring remedial math students. I simply do not have the time to do much of anything. I do not have time to get into the chemistry lab. If I manage to make my presence known in the lab, I must sacrifice time designated for math. Usually this means my poor math students must suffer.

Next quarter looks worse.

I know what you are likely thinking: "Boom, you charismatic bastard, surely you are close the requisite credits for graduation."

Not quite. I need 10.5 social science credits (only 4.5 transferred from my previous college), and 5 credits in health or phys-ed. Normally, this would not be a problem. Conflicts arise, however, when I try to infuse classes I want into my schedule. I want to finish the series for Japanese, calculus, and chemistry. However, calc and chemistry are only offered at 9:30. I might be able to take chemistry as an independent study program, but that would mean I am looking at the possibility of thirty credits in a worst-case scenario. I could trim some of those, but I have no idea which ones will be offered over the summer. If I drop the wrong classes, I may end up having to take classes in the fall to fill in the gaps before I can transfer. Either way, it seems likely I may have to drop my work-study program simply to squeeze a few precious minutes from the day.

I doubt that I will ever have free time again.

On the plus side, This upcoming weekend is a three-day weekend. I am off for President's Day. Or is it Presidents' Day. How many presidents are we celebrating Monday. If it is multiple, can I pick and choose? I mean, Chester A. Arthur's presidency seems rather pedestrian in comparison to many others.

And They Said It Couldn't Be Done

My academic carrer as reached its pinnacle. So much so, that I am not sure there is any point in continuing.

Friday, I learned how to divide by zero.

I also learned how to define infinity, and divide by that, as well.

My math teachers have been lying to me for decades.

First, we are told we can not subtract a larger number from a smaller one. It simply cannot be done. Then we learn about negative numbers.

Next, we are told that it is simply not possible to find the square root of a negative number. Such an answer does not exist. Then we find out about complex numbers.

Through it all, we are told that we cannot divide by zero. Any number divided by zero is undefined. Friday, I learned about L'Hospital's Rule (pronounce Low-Bee-Tall).

I feel... powerful.

Be All That I Can Be

Apparently the Army is desperate. Now fat, broken-down, thirty-two-year-old college students who have already been disqualified from the Marine Corps are topping their recruitment list.

That is the only reason I can figure for the recruitment call I got tonight.

A Curious Development

This was certainly unexpected.

I have become somewhat reacquainted with a face from my past.

Some background.

Years ago, shortly out of high school, I had an occasion to sweep a woman off her feet. I did not capitalize. I guess it could be said that I carried a bit of a flame for this girl in high school. She was unattainable, though. We spent time together, sure, both at school, and away from it. But she was always involved with someone, and I was too timid to make any sort of superceding move. Unfortunately, the most opportune time for me to make a move, was the least opportune time for her to receive one. I will not go into detail on that situation. It is entirely too convoluted.

After I graduated high school, we fell out of touch.

About four years out of high school, I found myself back in the home neighborhood. She was helping out at her family-run bar, and looking at starting college. She had planned on taking a year off of school, and that year quickly expanded to two. She wanted to get started before that two years suddenly became ten, or more. I can relate, retroactively. For reasons I did not choose to explore, she was thinking about going to University of Alaska Fairbanks. Shortly after that meeting, I got a feeling that she had been looking for a reason to stay local, and wanted me to make the move to be that reason. I was either too dense to notice in a timely manner, or too stupid to act. Either way nothing happened.

Fast forward ten years.

I bumped into her on campus this morning. I was waiting for my calculus class to start, and she walked past on her way out of her own calc class. When she saw me, she stopped dead.

I am quite surprised that we recognized each other. I have trouble recognizing people I had classes with last quarter, yet the familiarity between us was still there. I would have thought a flame dormant for so long would have been extinguished entirely, but there it was.

I asked what she had been up to.

"I am so close to my bachelor's degree," she tells me, "I just need to grab a couple of classes here and do some paperwork for UAF."

"Congratulations, on that," I reply. How the hell do I remember she was going to Alaska? I do not remember my own phone number most of the time. But I remember the one time she told me her college plans? "How did you like Alaska?"

"It was good," she said. "I am married, now..."

Well, crap. There goes that.

"... And we've got a couple kids."

And the Boom is back in the game.

I may need to explain a bit to people who are not Weevil. My history with women is brief, but colorful. Of the four women who have spent time in my unclothed company (I use the past tense because I am fully clothed, at the moment), three were married, and all four had children. This is not a circumstance I deliberately seek out. It is a curious coincidence that brings amusement to many.

Adding another would take this from coincidence, past trend, and firmly into the realm of pattern.

Nothing is ever easy.

Uh-oh

Run, my friend. They don't understand you like I do. They'll want to quarantine you. Then, as long as you're there and they're there, their thoughts will turn to "studying" you.

Off to a Great Start

Winter quarter hasn't even started, and I am already behind.

The first day of school was snowed out.

A single day lost is not a big deal, but I would have preferred Tuesday, rather than Monday.

I have my reasons.