Back to the Front

You will do what I say, when I say.
Back to the front.
You will die when I say you must die.
Back to the front.

OK, the start of a new school year doesn't fill me with dread and despair. It does, whoever, instill a bit of anxiety. I've been back in school for an entire year, gone to school for a little less than half my life, and a new quarter still brings a little tension. Tomorrow begins the new fall quarter.

Am I ready? Can I handle it?

The steady portion of my psyche, the one I always want to listen to, quietly reassures me that I have nothing to worry about. But there's that other part. Like a single, loud person in a crowded movie theater asking "yeah, but what if ..."

Once the quarter begins, I'm sure I will settle into an academic groove. My classes are firmly placed in my interest areas.

Japanese was a fun surprise last year, and I am looking forward to continuing. I think if I can find a nice Japanese girl to "practice" with, things will be even better.

Calculus and Technical Writing are pretty much requirements for my major, even though they are not listed as requirements. Calc leads to physics, which will probably be next quarter. Technical Writing will help with lab reports and written presentations.

Then there is the new job. That also starts Monday. I am a sort of tutor for the biology class I took this past summer. It's not much, but it will be nice to have my own spending money in my pocket.

So, tomorrow I boldly go where I have gone so many times, before.

Rumination and Reflection

It is strange what can send you to the rose-colored glasses of memory.

This afternoon, I was having a conversation with my mother. Just the normal daily chit-chat. Nothing at all profound or exceptionally remarkable. I was flipping through the day's junk mail, barely paying attention to the conversation, when I noticed something from the World Wildlife Fund. They sent a reference card with all sorts of information about orangutans. It was interesting in an offhand way. What was more interesting was the memories the card triggered.

As a kid, I had a wildlife reference file. I have no idea where it came from. It looks like a green tool box, about a foot long, about 4-6 inches wide, and also 4-6 inches deep. There were several hundred reference cards with everything from bacteria to sharks and elephants. I would spend hours at a time looking over these cards, trying to pronounce the classification names. I would later find out that these names were usually Greek and Latin, and my pronunciations were way off. I don't know what happened to that reference file. I don't think I had even thought about it for about twenty five years.

I do remember that the file originally belonged to my older brother. Much of what I did as a child was because of my brother. Not because I wanted his approval or anything like that. I wanted to be better than him. When my mom was teaching him how to read, I grabbed a kid's dictionary and taught myself. Three years old, and I was puzzling out what the hell the letter "A" was all about. When my brother started school, I wanted to go, too. The idea that someone would help me learn all this new stuff was exciting. My mom once told me that the first week of class was a tough one. My older brother was crying and screaming because he had to go to school. I was crying and screaming because I wasn't able to go.

Things haven't changed much since then. My brother still bristles at the ideas of scholarship and education, while I enjoy opportunites to expand my knowledge.

Nothing Good Can Come of This

Foreword: This got a bit out of hand. It's a lot more than I intended when I sat down.

I try to avoid talking about religion or politics as much as possible. These discussions can turn otherwise reasoned and intelligent people into bellowing gasbags who feel the need to speak louder than everyone else in the room. I am pretty sure that any who read this already know my feelings on these topics, but for those who do not, allow me to provide you a quick sketch of my beliefs.

I have absolutely no problem with people who are sincere in their religion, or even a lack of religion. I occasionally even envy that these people can devote themselves entirely to such conventions. What I have a problem with is people who decide that I am wrong in my beliefs, and must be lectured and scolded for not conforming to tenets and beliefs that are so out of date that the original intent behind them is mere speculation. I personally do not care if you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, or if you worship a three-foot hot dog. If I tell you that I am not, then I probably have my reasons.

For the record, I was baptized Catholic, and my grandparents tried to keep me in the church throughout my childhood. Like many people, when I entered my teen years, I avoided any sort of religious service simply because I found them boring. As an adult, I went through some personal events that would cause many people to turn to god, or their religion for answers and guidance. When that happened, I was met with nothing. Emptiness. When I asked about this, I was confronted with the same empty responses. At that point, I discovered the clearest explanations and assurances of "how" and "why" were in logic, reason, and education.

That was a bit more than I intended. Not quite the "quick sketch" of my religious outlook I had intended. Now for politics.

I like to think that my political views are rather moderate. My leanings tend toward the Democratic side, but I can see value in both Republican and Democratic plans and policies. I have no problem voting for an incumbent, regardless of affiliation, if that person has done a good job. The same holds true for ousting the incumbent from office if they have dropped the ball.

What irritates me about the political process is the electorate. People are stupid. I know far too many people who have decided that, rather than vote for a candidate, their vote will be against another candidate. This is a completely valid act, and I can respect that. In a two-party system, sometimes you have to make that decision. However, if you are taking the path of voting against someone or something, you owe it to the process to make sure that the reasons behind your vote are valid.

You hear an attack ad, or get an email forward saying "don't vote for Bob Smith. In his spare time he likes to toss babies into tiger pits." Simply deciding to vote against candidate Smith based on this is irresponsible. As voters, it is our responsibility to find out if, in fact, Mr. Smith has ever tossed babies into tiger pits, why, how often, and if he continues to do so.

Religion and politics specifically cause me more headaches than I can keep track of.