A Curious Turning Point

It was an odd thing for me to say. It seemed rather outside my character. And yet, the words came forth. There was no venom or spite. Just a profound apathy, if such a thing is even possible.

And now, the rest of the story:

I went to a baseball game tonight. Good times. The nephew, his grandma, her husband, and I had some great seats. Right behind home plate, front row. We couldn't catch any foul balls, but we could hear the conversation between the home plate umpire and the catcher. Like I said, great seats. Home runs were hit, double plays were turned, bases were stolen. I do love baseball.

Anyhow, back on topic. About the fifth inning, we were looking at upcoming games, and noticed a promotion called "Family Feast Night." It's all about $1 concessions. $1 for a hotdog, a burger, soda, whatever ballpark-appropriate junk food you can get a hold of.

The "stepfather" points out that it's not the sort of food the ex would go for. I pipe up with "Well, it's no longer my place to give a damn what she'd like." A moment after the sentence finished, I realized what I had said. I was a bit surprised at the sentiment. More surprised at the resignation behind it.

Three months is a very short time to fall so hard for someone. Three weeks to put the whole thing behind you is downright startling.

Another Quarter Down

As finals wind down for spring quarter, I realize that I have just completed a year of college. Seems like things are going smoothly on the academic front. I am more or less on track for my transfer requirements, it will all depend on the scheduling in future quarters.

I have an open week before summer quarter begins, and find myself with unexpected free time. Two weeks ago, I was expecting to help the girlfriend move into her new place. Now, not so much.

People still ask me how I'm holding up with the sudden breakup. They seem to think I'm a fragile thing, ready to shatter if I'm not taken care of properly. In all honesty, I'm OK. I don't feel the hurt and anger I would have expected. Mostly, I'm just confused. That confusion has already been discussed, so I will not repeat the details here. However, the more I think about the possible reasons she may have had for ending things, the more confused I become.

Well, the good thing about a dead week is I can catch up on my reading. I have about 8 books that have been calling to me for months. With that, I am off to realms of fiction. I wonder if I can catch a showing of "Indiana Jones" today.

Well...

... Fuck.

That's about all I can think to say about this situation. All of a sudden, I am single again. This morning, she stopped by and said we were in different places in our lives, and moving in different directions. It basically boiled down to the old "it's not you, it's me" routine. Which can usually be translated into "it's totally you, but there's no one thing in particular I can point out that would make me say that."

I am confused as to how we can go from something so good to absolutely nothing so quickly. A week ago, we were damn near the picture of contentment. Now, I'm here in front of a computer wondering what the hell happened. The problem with a situation like this is: relationships can't be voted on. If she's not happy and wants to leave, I can't very well say "I disagree." If she wants to go, I have to let her. If this is some sort of test to see how I'd react... Well, I already told her I don't do well with the usual relationship mind-games.

So, now I have to go back to writing that paper I mentioned earlier. Good luck to me.